Soccer Reflection

I have learned no matter how hard you try there is always someone better, and there is always someone to take your place. We are replaceable. So what makes a player invaluable?

I have dedicated most of my life to the game of soccer and I feel in a sense cheated. I feel like there was some sort of return that I missed out on. When I was younger I spent hours in my backyard kicking a blue and white ball. What for? Why did I let my free time turn into juggling, shooting, dribbling, and trapping?

I remember standing in front of my stairs in the winter flicking the ball up the first step, then challenging myself to hit the second step, then the third step. I would go

all the way to the top of those 13 steps and when I messed up I started all over again. Then I would do it with my left foot.

I would takes cones and set them up in a zigzag. I would dribble around each with a different move and shoot at the kick-board my dad built me. If I messed up I would do it over and over again till it was perfect. Often I missed the board entirely which happened to be on the edge of a gully so I would run down and get the ball and sprint to the top as fast as I could.

I had a book called Cobi Jones Soccer tips. I read it and took every word as law. He said to get better at juggling start with a balloon and work to a beach ball and then to a volleyball and finally to a soccer ball. I did every step religiously. I practiced every day I could. I would set a goal each night and try to beat the goal I set the night before. I told myself, “tonight I will get 80.” I stayed out until I got 80. Sometimes it was really dark and my mother would call me inside. I would tell her to go back inside because I will be in after this try. She would turn on the porch light and I would juggle and juggle and juggle until she took the ball away. I got so angry and frustrated with myself for not reaching my goal.

I learned what I did wrong and I practiced obsessively to change my errors.

When I learned how to shoot properly I mimicked the technique

without a ball until it became instinct for both my right and my left.

I lived and breathed soccer. My room's ceiling slants down like a goal does and we put net wallpaper on that side of the room. My carpet was the closest to turf I could find. The walls had soccer balls stamped on the lower half which was broken up by a boarder of a soccer player dribbling the ball, and to top it off the top portion of the wall all the way to the ceiling was blue with clouds- mimicking the perfect soccer day. My bed spread was white with black soccer ball on it with ma

tching pillow cases. I also had soccer ball string-lights hung up.

I started playing when I was 7 years old. I had a short bowl cut for a hair style. I played with the boys. I remember my coach asked my mom if her son had ever played.

After that year I played with girls and my coach talked to my parents about me having a natural talent.

I continued playing soccer in the summer and fall until it was my turn to play in 7^th grade. I managed the modified team when I was in 6^th grade just to watch the team and be in the atmosphere.

The team I played with my 7^th grade year went on to win every game we played. I got my picture in the newspaper kicking the ball.

After that year I got moved up to JV in 8^th grade. I started every game.

9^Th grade I was JV captain and MVP of the team until the end of the year when I was moved up to varsity during their sectional game. I played 10 min. in the sectional game and got my picture in the newspaper beating a girl.

10^Th grade I started most of the games and won a award for making the most assists all season.

I graduated early so my last year of soccer I started every game. Coach was able to put me in the defense, midfield, and forward position at a whim. I was awarded the “Miss Diversity” award.

The two years at Southern I was captain of “Just for Kicks,” an intramural team.

Now I have been on the Cardinals team for two years, and this year as captain.

What does this all mean?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I feel like Solomon saying, “this too is meaningless.”

I cannot believe I have spent my life following, and worshiping this “god.” I feel deceived.

My position was taken from me this year. I am now a forward/outside wing. In the beginning I was not bothered, but every game is a constant reminder that I failed. I feel the jealousy eat away at me and I am sad. I know now that I have been playing for my own glory. It's sad that it took such a blow to get my attention. If this is the fruit of my game I fear I have been motivated by the wrong spirit. I cannot say an outlandish statement such as soccer is bad. I can only say this: the god I was serving was my own passions and desires which have left me empty and discouraged.

Often times people say,"Sarah, you are such a beast," or "Sarah your skills are sick-nasty." Sick-nasty? Beast? hmm perhaps I missed all the warning signs...

So, what makes a player invaluable?

Playing with the right motives and for the right God.

Is there a summit in the valley?

This summer I felt like I was spiritually vacationing. Not in the sense that I skipped town and left all my responsibilities, but rather resting in God's love, finding out what best pleases the Lord, living with like-minded Christians, experiencing a pleasure that you can only have once in a great while. Truly a mountain top experience.

What goes up must come down. I feel like once I arrived at school gravity was in effect. I want the mountain. I want to see the valley below and feel the deep cool wind upon my cheeks, to see the echo of God's word in my actions, and to live with the people who have helped shape my spiritual walk and prayed for my victories. I want the meat of the word that I felt so deprived of before.

As I cried to God for the mountain, I forgot he calls us to live in the valley.

Oswald Chambers book The Love of God, showed me some powerful insights. In the chapter 'Can we come down?' Oswald Chambers points out that spiritual selfishness causes us to want to stay on the mountain. He says that we are made to live in the valley where sin abounds. The valley is where we live for Gods glory, and the mountain is where we see the glory of God. Jesus and Moses come to mind.

To be the most useful to God we must be where the people are. Once in the valley the relationship with God must be evident. Almost like a perfume we put on everyday. It doesn't dismiss us from getting dirty, but rather while we are called to do the lowly things in life that are most humiliating we still give off a beautiful sent that is almost captivating.

It's not going to be easy. I honestly feel like I am in over my head. I feel I'm among a population that wants to be laodicean. They know how to please both crowds and they are very good at what they do. I am having a hard time believing that they will want the truth which I long to live by. I was moved by one sentence Oswald Chambers wrote when he said we are more worried about offending other people than we are worried about offending Jesus.

At first glance the message seems so unattractive. Obedience. Will-power. Discipline. Long-suffering. This is what we are called to exercise in a world that says it's OK to break the rules, it's OK to give in to your passions, it's OK to be “bad” every now and then. I believe the outcome is the real test. Lack of discipline, obedience, will-power, and long-suffering equals what? A society that is obese, with a low attention span, unmotivated, and selfish. The outcome of the followers of Christ are quite the opposite.

As I was reading the chapter in patriarchs and prophets about Balaam I understood more. Balaam, an outsider, looked over the Israelite camp and saw, “the vast extent and perfect arrangement of their camp, everything bearing the marks of thorough discipline and order.” He noted the strict obedience to God that the Israelites were used to following. “He beheld with astonishment the evidence of their prosperity.” Our ways need to be different than the worlds ways. We should be set apart in that sense.

Honestly, I want to find the balance of living in the valley and living like the Israelites- set apart. It is so comforting to know someone did just that, and that we can call on him anytime.